Relationships take a lot of work and you both have to be willing to committ to working at it on a daily basis. Yes, daily!  When it comes to conflict, no matter how it started, men have the tendancy to run the other way, when a woman gets too emotional and wants to talk it out. My husband calls it "lecturing."  Women want immediate resolution. Ladies, men need time to think and trust me, nagging and being demanding doesn't go over well with men. Giving each other space and time to cool off is so important. The worst time to discuss things, is in the heat of the argument. Patience on a woman's part is crucial. Men, learn to listen to your woman and be open to suggestions on making adjustments on your part as well.

Whether it be your woman wants more romance or more time with you. Know that she wants you and needs you. Do your best to meet her needs. Women are very emotional where men tend to be more analytical. Some couples see conflict as a time to bail—either because they were already looking for a way out or because they freak out or feel threatened. When we feel like our egos are being threatened, it activates our flight or fight response. Sometimes it may be hard to get resolution on a conflict, making matters worse. Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Believe me, if you are both self centered people, you will find yourselves constantly in conflict. In any relationship, working as a team and honing your communication and listening skills will assure a better outcome. Working "together" to find a resolution to the problem is key. If you both care enough about each other and want a long lasting relationship. Listen to each other's side and be willing to take some criticisim or make adjustments.

You cannot force a relationship to work, if only one of you are doing all the work. Again the keyword here is teamwork. Sometimes writing your feelings down has a better result for those who are not great in verbalizing them. I once resolved a conflict with my husband, by writing him a letter that stated what my needs were and what my expections were of him in our relatinship however, I also reassured him of how much I appreciated all he has done for our family and for me, and how much I loved him. The letter was well recieved by my husband and my needs were met.  In order to get what you want, you got to give. My mother always told me, "A relationship is 50/50, both parties need to put an equal amount of work in their relationships." Name calling and bringing up past offenses or threatening to leave or divorce your partner, does nothing but damange the relationship. Losing respect and trust is a relationship killer.  If all else fails, seek professional counseling together and individualy. This will give you the tools you need to proceed in fixing your relationship or help you decide if the relationship is not worth saving. Constant arguing is not a way you want to spend time together. 

Some Key Elements To Remember when resolving conflicts:

• Speak Up-Don't Shout /Communicate your needs-If you feel you are not getting what you want from your partner, be sure to speak up and communicate your needs. Your partner cannot read your mind. Writing out your needs are also recommended if you cannot verbalize them. Don't be condesending and speak with a loving tone.
• Respect Your Partner. Give your partner value. Make him or her feel important and be sure that you give their wishes and feelings value. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Dismissing someones feelings and wants is very disrepectful. Make it a point not to call each other names or trash talk, during a disagreement.
• Look and Listen - There is nothing worse than not being heard. A huge part of effective communication is listening. Let your partner share their side. Eye contact shows your partner that  you  are engaged and care about what they are saying. Talking over or interrupting your partner while they are talking, just shows that  you don't respect or value them.
• Compromise- A natural part of healthy relationships is being able to agree to disagree. Find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve disagreements in a fair and rational way. Being self-centered and one-sided isn't healthy in a relationship. Its not about winning the argument, its about finding common ground and resolution to the issues at hand.
• Be Supportive- Insecurity is a big cause of conflict. Partners need support. Being critical of our partner only tears them down and amplifies the insecurities. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
• Respect Your Partners' Space- Setting boundries in a relationship is crucial. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space. Find time apart to do hobbies and spending time with friends is important. Without it, partners become resentful and feel trapped. Freedom to be an individual in an a relationship allows a person to still be themselves. Giving someone space during a conflict is crucial. You never want to box someone into a corner while they are still angry.  Give your partner time to decompress and cool off before engaging in resovling issues. This time could hours or days. Be patient.

Abuse can happen to anyone. It happened to me in my first marriage, which ultimately ended in divorce. I have seen all too often in abusive relationships the issue of denials and enabling the abusive behavior. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.

If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out and get help. As I mentioned earlier in conflicts, name-calling and berating someone does not show respect or love for someone. I call it verbal violence. One thing my husband and I learned early on in our marriage is, to never call me a name. It is disrepectful and demeaning. Make sure you let your partner know that it is not okay to call you names. A person that resorts to this is essentially someone who doesn't value you or they have some serious issues. If the name calling continues after you have asked them to stop, then its time to terminate the relationship.  It is only going to escalate. When the verbage changes to threats of violence, you let that person know that you will call the authorities if they do it again. If the abusive behavior continues, you need to leave the relationship to assure your safety. I've seen relationships that were verbally abusive and threatening.

I have a friend that was having issues with her boyfiend who was verbally abusing her almost on a daily basis. At one point, his verbal abuse became hostile and threatening.  I told the girlfriend to create space first and go to safe place, then let her boyfriend know, if he threatened her out of anger again and did not seek therapy, that the relationship was over. He agreed to her requests and they are now in a very healthy relationship. A work in progress, but healthy. In his case, his issues were caused by unresloved PTSD, (post traumatic stress disorder) that he suffered after a few tours in the Iraq war. Luckily for him, she really loved him enough to see him through. This had a positive outcome however, in some cases, it can be very dangerous.

Threatening bodily harm or even death is grounds to terminate the realtionship.  Watch for early warning signs of aggressive behavior such as short temper, shouting, angst, aggitation and breaking things, also abusing alcohol and drugs. I always told my kids when dating, look at your potential spouse's parents. What kind of realtionship do they have? Is it healthy? Pay attention to how they interact with each other and how your partner interacts with their parents. In my first marriage, I missed the red flags that were waving in front of me. My ex-husband's father constantly cheated on his mother and when she would confront him, he would beat her. I witnessed on a few occassions my ex-husband and his brother pulling their father off of their mother. She chose to stay in the relationship. The first time my ex-husband hit me, I packed my bags and left and I never looked back. My parents didn't raise a fool.  Don't be a victim, get out and get help.  If you really feel like your life is in danger, notify the police immediately.